Happy making love Monday everyone. June is known as one of the most popular wedding months of the year. So before you head down that alter or to the Justice of Peace to say your I do’s or if you have already been down one of these roads, here is one of the top marital problems that may or will maybe someday affect your marriage.
It is my hope that having this info in your storehouse, may give you the upper hand you need to intervene in marital concerns before they can become a problem.
Lack of communication is probably a deal breaker in any marriage. After all if you cannot communicate properly then neither of your desires or needs are being met. It’s a given that men and women speak differently and what may take a women 30 minutes to express, a man can express in half that time. The problem is, most of the time the details are left out or the overall message is lost in communication. On the side of the women, the man is listening for about the first 10 to 15 minutes, but after that you start to sound like clanking symbols and everything you say sounds like gibberish. So the communication is sometimes attempted but failing in its delivery. After several failed attempts to communicate, the couple stops communicating altogether. What to do?
- First admit that you both have a communication problem. This admission will remove the stigma created by the breakdown and will open up a new line of communication.
- Don’t repeat your past actions. You and your mate must not go back to the same ineffective ways of past, otherwise you will be right back to the problem.
- Set aside talk sessions. Carve out a period of time daily or weekly to have your pow-wow sessions. Much longer than this could cause things to grow into numerous issues that will require longer discussions. Bottom line, don’t let things build up!
- Turn off cellphones, television, the kids, and any other distractions that could potentially break the flow of your conversation.
- Don’t interrupt each other. Decide which one of you is going to have the floor first and the other should listen intently to every word your mate is speaking. remember good communicators are also good listeners. This will be a challenge because some of the things your mate may say, could strike a nerve cord, or simply be untrue. Hear them out completely, remember you will have your chance for as rebuttal.
- Always begin your rebuttals with the words, “So what I am hearing you say is…” This is the best start to communication because nobody can tell you how you process words. Saying it, will also diffuse a potentially heated moment because you are letting your mate know how you processed what they just said. It lessens the defensive element that some conversations can create.
- Always end your conversation on a good note. Never let your meetings end in arguments. Always end with a hug, a kiss, or kind words to one another. If the conversation did not reach a turning point and you realize another chalk talk will be necessary, try to end at a place you both can agree. that a continuation of the matter will be needed.
- Set a time limit. Don’t sit and talk so long that you both grow weary and begin to think about what you are missing on tv, social media, your phone, or the kids begin to get restless and start interrupting you. Agree on a time limit from the start and either set a timer or keep track another way. The saying about you can’t rush love is true in one sense but timing is key in this sense.
Lastly, I would like to offer a good read for all couples. The book is a couple’s must have aside from the Bible and it’s called the 5 Love Languages. Written by Gary Chapman, he explains that in every relationship, there are 5 love languages present. Each couple needs to know their mates love language(s) so that they will know how to communicate more successfully and ultimately fulfill your mates needs. The 5 love languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
Chapman says that although your mate may possess more than one of these 5, only one of them is the dominant victor. Chapman also created an online quiz for couples to take together in order to identify their love language. Click the link below: